By popular demand, here are 19 foolproof ways to become a pathetic network marketer:
1. Chase down complete strangers you know nothing about and start telling them all about your fantabulous, most wonderful life-changing product that they just can't survive without.
2. Call all your friends from high school or college (even if you haven't spoken to them in 20 or 30 years) and insist on them tasting your mega-duper enzymatic jungle juice.
3. Accost your neighbor in his driveway as he's leaving for work and tell him if he drinks your magic juice and joins your biz-opp, he'll never have to get out of bed early for work again!
4. Send an outrageously lengthy email extolling the virtues of your MLM company and have the nerve to follow it up with a phone call to discuss what they thought of it.
5. Buy genealogy leads and call them - every…last…one!
6. Set up a booth at a job fair and invite unemployed people to join your business opportunity!
7. Pester Granny to buy energy drink products from your MLM using her social security check.
8. Tell your new enrollees "Fake it til you make it!" (but don't tell 'em you're faking it!)
9. Tell your struggling downline you're going to work one on one with them when what you really mean is that you'll stand guard in a parking lot while they put business cards on windshields.
10. Tell your downline it's a numbers game…that after 99 no's, they're bound to get 1 yes….and they "better "#*%! well get excited about it"!
11. When cousin Chester balks at joining your business opportunity, take it personal and start berating and belittling him. (Yeah, that'll get him excited to be around you!)
12. Admonish your downline member for her lack of success by saying she just "must not want it bad enough."
13. Turn your new recruits loose and let them fend for themselves because you think it'll build character and make them need you more.
14. Convince your new recruit to sign up and buy the biggest builder pack, even though you know she can't afford gas for her car.
15. Take your friend out for lunch and tell her "You're so good at talking to people. You LOVE talking to people! That's all this business is about - talking."
16. Assume that the entire senior citizens choir wants your MLM line of All Natural Tahitian Dark Tanning Oil, and when they don't see the point…you tell them that something is wrong with them.
17. Copy and paste the same cheesy message -verbatim - on each of your facebook friend's timeline where everyone can see how lame you are.
18. Create a gawdy Meme with your name and your MLM replicated site URL and share it on every social media platform!
19. Approach a total stranger leaving a store, follow them out to their car and tell them you couldn't help but notice their MLM window decal (tipping them off that you've been stalking them) and then try to convince them that they should drop everything to go have coffee with you so that you can persuade them how much better your MLM is then theirs, even though you know nothing about them or their personal circumstances or their MLM, and then when they tell you (politely) they're not interested, try to get in their car and keep insisting that they're wrong and try to hand them your MLM business card through the car window as they're rolling it up....and then kick their bumper and give them the proverbial "finger". (True story!)
Well there ya go folks - 19 ways to be a pathetic network marketing loser and insure that you never make a dime...or have any friends...or get any birthday cards. There really is a better way. You can learn about it right here in this FREE report:
Eryn McCormick is an online marketing entrepreneur, coach and award-winning blogger. She's a woman on a mission to "inform, inspire and ignite" people to take action to recapture their own earning power by leveraging their skills, talents and abilities to start an online business from their home computer or on the go with a mobile device.
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Eryn, so funny!
I haven’t gone through all of them but I can sure relate! Lucky us found a better way!
Best,
Stella
Stella Scott recently posted..Skin disease, a shameful condition
Really great post Eryn I laughed all the way through. It is amazing what we believe from our uplines.
Linda O’Rourke recently posted..Network Marketing Income
Eryn I get lumps in my throat reading this. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been taught similar processes. At one time I was even told to just use a fake name until we met with the person so no one would hear the secret. You know, create curiosity. Aaack. Thanks for the post. It’s great to know there are other options.
Lisa Saline recently posted..Post To New Social Networks for Business Before Your Competition Does
Hi Eryn, these are funny, and kind of sad at the same time! Here’s another one – stand in the mall and give out flyers to every person that you think is overweight, the flyers imply that the person is overweight of course, and they give you very black looks! But, don’t let that stop you, because a few of those people will be extremely grateful to you when they are thin!
Julieanne van Zyl recently posted..Important First Steps Toward Marketing for MLM
Oh! Julieanne I would just cringe if I ever had to stand in a mall and do that! Guess that’s why I prefer online marketing
Wowzers! That is a powerful, truthful article that everyone in business, especially network marketing should read. I’ve been a network marketer for over 20 years and all I can say is kudos to you Eryn…thanks for sharing the hard, cold truth with all of us. I’m choosing the high road and learning how to attract others to me instead of me chasing them.
Carla J Gardiner recently posted..How to Redefine Success After 50
Ha ha ha ha ha. Awesome and Spicy as always! Love it!
Natasha Hazlett recently posted..How to “Rock” Your Results
Love this!! The sad thing is they are probably all true! Aren’t you glad you’ve learned a better way!
Carol Lamoreaux recently posted..Why You Need Your Own Website